we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
