I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
