please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
