she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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