So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
