Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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