what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
