I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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