Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
worst night to have a conscience
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
