Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
