You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
