My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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