I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize