Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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