You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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