420 ftw
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
