Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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