he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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