YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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