I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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