i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
