you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
