his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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