Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
