Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
