I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
