Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
