God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
