he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
