my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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