I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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