my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
