By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
bring money and cleavage
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
