She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
