I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
