im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
