Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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