No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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