he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.