i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
