I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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