For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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