I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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