make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
