the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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