i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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