My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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