I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
