New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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