i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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