She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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