I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
