So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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