I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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