PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
