I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize