You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
