I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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