I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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